I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
