Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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