Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
