That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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