I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Randomize