it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
