chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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