first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
