maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
