unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This baby is an asshole
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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