I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
