ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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