We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
