I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
