"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
