Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
