I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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