and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
