you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
