There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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