New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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