my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
