i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
