i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
