my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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