in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
