You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
