His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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