I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
