Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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