my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize