I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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