Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
