it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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