I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
