At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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