You made me cry and you don't even care
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
