I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
