Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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