hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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