Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
