My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
