Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize