I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
