I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
