Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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