He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
