the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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