you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
