dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
