He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize