I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
