im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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