$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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