i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
