i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
