I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
