Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
