i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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