im six kinds of drunk right now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
