i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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