Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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