i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
