I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
