you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
