He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You smell like stripper and shame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
