I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
two words: eviction party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
