Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
