it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
