I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
