I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
