I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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