I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
