i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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