she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
