it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
