He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
