Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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