i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How naked do you want me to be?
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