Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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