I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
