my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
