Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
