I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The air was thick with penises
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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