Don't you send me to vm
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
