hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
