And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
