omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
