I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
