Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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