From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
