I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
