pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
