Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize