I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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