A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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