I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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