Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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