I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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