its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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