I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
