i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize