clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
These tits shall not be calmed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
