just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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