I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
