I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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