dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
