May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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