she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
