I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
