Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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