lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
