note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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