I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize